Overcoming More Than The Scale

Oh no!  What have I gotten myself into?  I really wanted to encourage a coworker to succeed in her weight loss journey while getting started on my own reclaiming of my goals.  So, when Sport & Health promoted a "Lighten Up" challenge, I agreed to join her team to keep us both accountable and on point.  This required weighing in at the front desk where I work, and making those numbers known to more than just me and my bathroom scale. 

So, I stepped on the scale Wednesday evening, feeling uneasy about others seeing that very high weight number.  Those mean, horrible numbers---146.6 (heavier than my 9-months-pregnant weight).  Before my hysterectomy, I was much lighter.  I'd even lost some weight due to loss of appetite.  But I increased my macros a bit too quickly after the vocal chord surgery.  Upon seeing those numbers, the self-soothing silly thoughts started playing in my head, "Well, I've been up for 16 hours, I just worked out, am dressed...  This morning I was 142 on my scale...  Maybe the scale is broken--perhaps I should go pee and come back to weigh in again." 

Regardless of the tough journey my health has taken me through, regardless of what anyone may say, 146.6 is a big set of numbers for me.  To some readers, the numbers seem like a ridiculous thing to get worked up over.  But to me, those numbers represented something very scary, intimidating, and upsetting to me.  This is the first time that I'm admitting that I cried as soon as I found solitude.  The positive me wanted to be strong and act confident in front of others but the vulnerable me could not wait to be alone to take it all in.  It took days to admit it, but it is true.  Part of me felt ashamed for the sadness I felt over the whole ordeal and another part of me felt ashamed of the numbers themselves.   This is my heaviest non-pregnant weight since I was struggling with my max-allowed weight in the Air Force when I was only 18 years old (over twenty years ago).  Did you know that I gained so much weight in the Air Force that I had to work hard to lose it so that I would not be in a position of getting kicked out?  Back then, I was a homesick kid binging on donuts, pizza, candy bars, Mountain Dew, and whatever else I found empty comfort in.  I hated the chow hall food and I loved my junk (in large quantities). This time, the weight gain wasn't from binging, carelessness, or throwing all caution into the wind....  It was from a whacked out few months of surgeries, loss of appetite, and then too quickly increasing my macros after a long-lasting severely diminished appetite--not to mention the liquid diet after the vocal chord surgery.  Logic told me that I should slowly reintroduce more food but I ignored it thinking somehow I could immediately return to those high macro numbers I was taking in (while losing weight) before my hysterectomy.  My metabolism is pretty healthy, but now I find myself tempted to return to old habits of hours-long cardio, quickly dropping foods from my diets.  Of course, I don't give into those temptations, but I can't help but think that I'm not the only IIFYM follower who occasionally gets tempted to return to the self-destructive past behaviors (from before they knew better).

Why am I sharing this?  Well, selfishly I think it's going to help me if I admit to others just how insecure I am feeling right now.  There is another reason too.  Even though I am experiencing this whole screwed up, miserable feeling of self doubt and am petrified to see the cellulite staring me down in my bathroom mirror, I am going to beat this!  There is no quitting!  No backing out!  Time to believe in me the way that I believe in my clients.

And now what?

If you've ever had something, anything, that put a kink in your plans for the "what's next" in your life, then you may understand what has been going on with me.  As I've said in previous blog entries, I'd been really looking forward to competing this Fall.  Well, with a hysterectomy just six weeks behind me and the laryngoscopy with biopsy just two days behind me, it's obvious that there has been a change of plans.  I'd also been hoping to finally have my NASM CPT certification (I'm a certified personal trainer, but I really want this next one).  I was convinced that I would have all kinds of time and focus to study and prepare for the exam; however, with the body recovering and an active house of kids and school activities, I'm not so sure I will have that certification as quickly as I wanted to.  I also thought that, in just about three and a half weeks, I would be seeing my oldest son graduate from USMC boot camp.  Well, administrative headaches have put that off for him (which means he is experiencing what it is like to make big plans and have things out of your control make you take a big step back--waiting game).  With the many unexpected things in life, I'm learning what it really means to not give up.

As a personal trainer and life coach, I have had countless individuals hire me for various goals and then allow life's difficult challenges completely derail them.  Sure, many of my clients reach and even exceed their goals.  But I would be a liar if I did not mention that there are those who back away from their dreams for physique transformation, better health, better time management skills, improved communication in their relationships, or more consistency in their parenting.  I do not believe that this is because they do not have what it takes to overcome; as a matter of fact, I am convinced that everyone who has ever hired me has what it takes.  The tough thing is getting people to believe that they are worth it and that the challenges that are sure to be encountered are worth overcoming.

See, when it became apparent that taking a step back from my competition and professional goals was a necessity while taking care of my long-term health, there was a sense of urgency.  With so much going on at the time, I initially just ran on auto-pilot, not even thinking about what I was about to experience emotionally.  It really hit me the first time that I returned to work just a couple of weeks ago.  Deep inside, I really wanted to get that first workout in.  But just a light workload of training very few clients and being on my feet was just all that I could safely handle.  Then, starting the first few safe workouts meant lifting less and with less intensity.  With a very reduced appetite, my strength had been temporarily but significantly reduced.  To many, this may not seem like a big deal.  But to someone who is a natural bodybuilding figure competitor with big aspirations, this was a bit demoralizing. 

Admitting how discouraged I felt was something I really did not want to do.  Fear set in that perhaps I needed to put my dreams aside and just find a way to create new ones.  Do you know what fixed that?  Time to think!  Just two days ago, I had the laryngoscopy with biopsy to remove a cyst which left me very hoarse and at times with absolutely no voice whatsoever (especially in the evenings).  Not realizing how serious this could become permitted me to put it off until I faced the truth that I must deal with it.  The greatest benefit has probably been the many hours left to my thoughts and silent prayers.

I've got another couple of days (today and tomorrow) with no talking.  What most don't realize is that a great deal of my day is actually just talking to others about their workouts and then sitting in silence by myself planning workouts or planning what my kids or husband need me to do at home.  An exclusive focus on husband, kids, work, and errands that must be done made me start to forget the value of having my own aspirations.  Not being able to give all of me to them while recovering from the hysterectomy made me feel so guilty.  So, I spent weeks thinking of all the things I needed to do to make things better for everyone but me.  Now, sitting in silence while everyone is pretty much good to go, while I have very few clients (starting over again), and while being banned from talking has done wonders for me.

This is probably the most amount of time I've been able to think and pray in my life.  One thing I prayed is this, "Lord, please remove the desire to compete if you want me to focus on something else."  Immediately, the thought (perhaps from my Lord) came to me, "Why on Earth should you not want to compete?  You've been a source of motivation and inspiration every time you took on the journey to the stage?  Your kids love it, your husband loves it, your clients love it, and your friends love it when you come back with life insights.  Don't quit!  You have so much to offer and so much to gain!"  Then the thoughts filled with doubt, "Well, with weeks of not lifting, do you think you really could make up for the lost time?  What about that crappy diet?  You can hardly stomach food and you can't even swallow solid food."  But then the seeds of doubt are killed by more positive thoughts like this, "Quit that negativity.  It's really only been a short period of time and your metabolism is responding great to all it has been through.  In a few days, you'll be back in the saddle.  You are strong and there is no reason to think negatively."  I can feel the spiritual warfare of the mind and am loving that doubt and fear are being killed by believing in myself again.  My God is an awesome God and He will help me overcome my personal battle with doubt.

Admitting that I struggle with this can be tough.  There are some who may feel that I am being too "open" with this.  Well, if you are that person, you can know this. I will be honest!  With so many who trust me with their health, with personal goals, with the battle of believing in themselves, I want them to know that I struggle to and that I understand what it is like to battle the demons of discouragement, derailment, and self-doubt.  I want them to know that I know what it is like to sabotage myself because I did not believe in myself. 

And now I am putting it out there.  I will compete in 2014!  I will step on stage and smash my personal best!  There are big differences this time.  This time, I will have taken care of my health first.  This time, I will not wait until I'm near the end of a competition prep and feeling depleted to admit that it is tough from the very beginning.  I will do as one of my favorite bodybuilders, Ryan Doris, says, "Grind it Out."  When I want to quit, when I doubt that I have what it takes to overcome and win, when others tell me that I am just not cut out for this, I will get back to the grind and outwork.  I'm putting it all out there now. 

I know it'll be a feat finishing up my college degree, getting the NASM certification that I want, continuing to be the best mom/wife I know how to be, rebuilding my personal training business, and getting stage ready...  But it can be done!  It can be done without compromising my priorities! 

I believe that I have what it takes to compete in the Spring/Summer of 2014.  I must wait until November to really get into stage-prep readiness.  I will not allow myself to be discouraged by the "Well, my delts are too small," "My glutes are not tight enough," "My symmetry may not be on point."  NO!  I'm going to outwork every single day.  Whether it is in recovery or in work!  With Team Norton, my family, and the most awesome group of encouraging friends a woman could hope for, there's no reason that I cannot win!  Let's roll...

Change...

Sure, sometimes change is fun and exciting, but more often than we may desire, it can be very difficult.  Whether it is a change in relationship, career, a big move, even a new baby.  Whether the change is big or small, wonderful or emotionally challenging, it can rock the status quo that you've grown accustomed to.  At times like this, emotions can start to take over reason.  Feeling scared, excited, overwhelmed, discouraged, exhausted, disappointed, unsure, or even elated can cause us to make decisions that are not the best for us or our loved ones.  This has been my challenge lately.  Fortunately, some past life experiences have prepared me to reign in my emotions, step back and think things through, and trust that things will all be okay. 

"Gretchen, what on Earth are you talking about?"  Wow, where to begin...  Let me start by saying that I really do not like change!  As a matter of fact, there have been seasons of my life when I felt that I must have done something horribly wrong to have unexpected, almost devastating changes happen in my life.  I would question God, "Lord, things were going so well.  I have lived life as I thought you wanted me to?  Why are you doing this to me?  Why are you allowing my life to become unraveled?"  It just did not seem fair!  What I didn't know is that during those trials, I was growing to become the person that I am still becoming, and that person that I like!

If you have been following this blog then you know that I had really been hoping to get back on the figure competition stage sooner than later; as a matter of fact, I was hoping that I could compete this Fall.  My metabolism was on-fire in the best way ever, my upper body strength gains were unreal, and my focus was impenetrable.  What changed?  Well, I quit procrastinating on some routine healthcare issues that a lot of us tend to take for granted.  Some health concerns that I had became things that my husband refused to allow me to procrastinate on anymore.  From my persistent hoarse voice to my extremely difficult menstrual cycles.  Oh yes men, I AM going there--unapologetically too!  When I finally addressed those concerns, I had to accept the fact that long-term health problems would happen if I did not set those competition dreams aside for a little while.  The emotional me wanted to justify ignoring those concerns for short-term gratification of getting on stage again.  I was tempted to do as I'd done before as I said to myself, "It's okay.  Just one more competition season and then I can take care of those things."  Thankfully, reason was the victor and I immediately decided to put my health first.

In July, I made long overdue medical appointments with my dentist, my gynecologist, and my ENT doctor.  My husband must have been shocked that I made all of those appointments because he had been asking me to for years.  The last time that he asked me, my heart ached as he expressed his concern for me.  I do not know how many  moms are reading this, but I doubt that I am alone in my reasoning for the procrastination.  I just did not see how I had the time!  Between running five kids all over the place, to commuting to and from work to train my beloved clients, to working on my college assignments, to trying my best to accomplish at least some household tasks, I did not see how I could afford to spend the time going to the doctor.

First stop, the dentist...  Those of you who know me well know that it has been the one thing that I hate more than anything.  I used to get really freaked out by the thought of someone putting their hands in my mouth.   As a kid, I actually bit my dentist (my dad probably remembers it better than I do).  I cannot tell you how happy I was to learn that I had no cavities and that overall, everything looked excellent!  It was the single best dental experience I have had in my entire life.  If you are in Frederick, check out Kopit Dental; you will absolutely not regret it!   I sincerely believe that my dental phobia is completely gone thanks to that dental experience. 

Second stop, the gynecologist...  Unlike going to the dentist, I did not have any phobias regarding the gynecologist.  No doubt, giving birth to five children (the youngest by C-Section) has something to do with that.  Dr. Martin, commented that I had not been there in three years.  Three years ago, we had discussed my difficult menstrual cycles and he wanted to do further tests.  Stubborn me wanted to compete.  So, I put it off.  That first season of dieting down actually caused my menstrual cycles to go away for about ten months.  I do not recommend this sort of thing at all; as a matter of fact, it can be risky for your health.  It was not until I hired my coach, Dr. Layne Norton, that my diet became less extreme and more balanced.  When my cycle returned, it was not long before the periods were bad again.  Being stubborn and wanting to compete again, I put off going back to the gynecologist to address my problems with this.  Bad choice!  I tried various dietary and homeopathic remedies but nothing helped at all; as a matter of fact, I often felt worse.  By November 2012, my periods were lasting almost two weeks and by June 2013, they were lasting even longer.  I would not sit down at work for days because I may embarrass myself, I drove sitting on towels, I slept on towels, and I had to change clothes several times a day.  Intense fatigue plagued me to the point that I actually fell asleep at the wheel one day on the way to work.  The discomfort was honestly so bad that it would compare to early stages of labor (no exaggeration whatsoever).  Dr. Martin examined me in late July 2013 and determined that a hysterectomy was my best option.  Because I had adenomyosis, other alternatives were not things that I could consider. I would be able to keep my ovaries thereby avoiding going into early menopause.  The sooner the better because every month was worse than the previous month.  We scheduled surgery for August 29, 2013. 

Third stop, the ENT doctor.  On my way to my appointment with Dr. Hart, I was certain that I was going to be told that the cause of my hoarse voice was something like acid reflux or maybe even unresolved allergies.  But that was not the case.  No acid reflux whatsoever and no sinus problems.  He discovered a sizeable cyst on my vocal chord which would have to be removed.  When I told him that I was having a hysterectomy, he recommended waiting until I was well beyond the initial recovery stage for the sake of my health and pain management.  That surgery will take place on October 9.  The biggest inconvenience will be not using my voice in any capacity whatsoever for a few days and then limited talking for several days later.  No talking, whispering, coughing, laughing, grunting, bearing down, straining, eating solid food for four days.  Then I will slowly resume talking to allow the surgical site to heal properly.  The likelihood is that the cyst developed back during a bout with strep throat while I was still working and teaching indoor cycling classes before I was fully healed.  The lesson learned is this:  Sometimes quitting is the right thing to do, especially when your health is at stake.

Okay, I am going to back up a bit to when I learned that I needed to have surgery.  Just days before that, I had spoken with the fitness director at North Frederick Sport Health about the possibility of transferring there from Bethesda.  I felt a bit like a traitor to my Bethesda Sport & Health family.  Yes, I do mean family.  Never had I worked with so many individuals that I genuinely loved and felt that it was reciprocated.  That being said, my increased exhaustion was taking a toll not only on me but also on my marriage and children.  There was no energy to spare when I was home.  Additionally, I had no time or energy to invest in building friendships and growing in my faith.  When I learned about the hysterectomy and the vocal chord issue, I knew that I needed to make the change sooner than later.  Literally, I cried off and on for days.  I prayed that God would strengthen me and be with me, that he would give me peace as fear regarding these changes began to consume me.  I did not want to tell my boss and friend, Lee, that I needed to make the move.  I did not want to tell my clients that I would be leaving them.  I became worried about the transition from one club to another after I had so comfortably settled into the other club.  When I did tell Lee, my other co-workers, and my clients it was not without a lot of tears.  What I was ashamed to admit until now is that it also was not without self-doubt.  Would I be able to rebuild a client base?  How would our family make it without my income for no less than a month?  Would those I was leaving behind feel upset with me?  It was easy to admit that missing those I was leaving was hard; admitting fear was not! 

Ok, so, I had the hysterectomy.  Silly as it may sound, I really did not realize how quickly it would take the wind out of my sail.  Thanks to meals provided by my church family at Frederick Christian Fellowship and my very supportive friends and family, I made it through those first difficult weeks.  As much as I could, I followed my doctor's orders (maybe for the first time ever) by not doing the lifting and other physical activity.  It was intensely difficult to lean on others as I felt guilty for not being able to do much.  Once again, the financial impact of this was weighing heavily on my mind and I was determined to get better so that when I returned to work.  That being said, I was also determined to recover so that when I did start working again, I would not be putting my health at risk. After the hysterectomy, I learned that when they sent my uterus to pathology that the very earliest stage of uterine cancer was detected.  Had I put off the hysterectomy for another season, it is possible that it could have spread.  The hysterectomy did not only get rid of the adenomyosis, it also got rid of cancer that I did not even know that I had.  It was contained to my uterus; nowhere else!  Wow!  What would have happened if I had decided to put this off until just one more competition season?

In about a week and a half I will have the vocal chord surgery (laryngoscopy with biopsy).  There is really no fear or anxiety over it right now.  The greatest lesson that I have truly taken to heart is that I have to be my own priority sometimes in order to keep doing the things that I am needed for at home and to keep striving toward my personal ambitions.  Humble pie actually tastes pretty good when you are willing to digest what you are taking in.

Financially, not going to work is difficult.  If any of you reading this earn a salary versus an hourly pay wage, imagine losing your entire salary for a month and your salary dropping to less than half for several more months.  This has taught me to learn to count my blessings, to take note of how much I actually do have, and to be content in whatever circumstances I may find myself in.  It is a difficult part of the journey, it is a change I would have certainly not chosen for myself, and it is humbling in the best of ways. 

Personally, the time I have had with my family over the past month and a half has been the greatest of rewards.  I realized how much I missed having the time and energy to stay up to spend time with them in the evenings, how nice it is to help get them ready for school in the mornings, what a blessing it is to sit and just watch a movie on the couch together, or to play an impromptu game of UNO.  Now that I am starting to work again, I will remember to keep space in my schedule so that I do not risk neglecting my family and so that I can invest in the friendships I have longed for.

Professionally, I'm starting over.  Balance is going to be my new norm.  Just three days ago, I started working again.  My first day at the new, closer gym was Wednesday.  My body is still recovering and I can feel it as my energy levels are a little low.  As hard as it was to leave the gym I was training in, I was a little nervous about starting over with new coworkers and rebuilding my client base.  There's no denying that I really miss the training team I was blessed to be a part of in Bethesda, but I'm looking forward now.  The staff at North Frederick is great, they're young and friendly, and the facility is the best I have ever seen.  I can't deny that driving 450 miles less each week will be blissful; that alone buys back thirty hours a week.  Whether I am doing mom-taxi duties, going to voice therapy, sleeping in past 4:00AM, or just hanging with the hubby and kids, I'm sure that I can find good use of thirty additional hours a week.

Physically, the body reminds me to take it easy if I'm tempted to overdo it.  This time, I'm listening.  My appetite is only just now starting to return since the hysterectomy.  I was able to do light workouts this week with no difficulty.  I am not able to lift even half of what I was lifting before as this body is working toward recovery right now.  I'm not doing high intensity cardio yet because the impact would be a bit much on this healing body; however, I intend to do that about two weeks after the vocal chord surgery assuming that my ENT doc gives me the go-ahead.  From what he has told me so far, that should be fine.  If it was just the hysterectomy and no other surgeries, I'd be waiting until then anyway.

Competition goals are in limbo for now.  I will wait to see how my metabolism and overall strength is after the recovery from vocal chord surgery.  In the meantime, I am looking forward to hearing more about your health and fitness journeys.  Living a fit life means putting your health at the top of your priority list.  If you happen to enjoy the competitive bodybuilding lifestyle ( or any other competitive sport), remember that listening to your body when you need to slow down is important.  There will always be another bodybuilding event, another race, another MMA fight, another game.  But you only get one body!  If this blog is a blessing to you, please share it with others and leave feedback. 

Soon...but not yet

It was not long ago that my coach, Layne Norton, recommend that I hold off competing to repair my metabolism. He did not feel that it was in my best interest to start dieting the excess body fat away at that time. In only three weeks (probably less time actually), I experienced 20-lbs of weight gain after my first competition season in which I placed high in all three shows.  I'd even won an overall Masters Figure title in my first show.  

The excess weight was brought on by a combination of binging post-competition and metabolic issues I'd created by following typical advice and published work of "gurus" in the bodybuilding world before hiring Layne. It was difficult to see all of the added weight after working so hard! I wanted to get lean again! Boy was I thankful for his caring guidance. 

I waited until my body was in a better place and then another journey began which was more challenging than before.  When I competed this past November, the only thing that really kept me from my ultimate goals was my own inconsistency.  I will take that over metabolic damage any day!!  

Over the past eight months I have not done the expected get-lean/stay lean dieting.  Some life events took precedence. There was zero free time to focus on competition or measuring food for months.  So, I just had to make sure I was getting my workouts in around personal training clients and taking care of family/friends who needed me. I don't regret it for a second! It would be a lie to say that I have been consistent and doing everything as recommended Between competition seasons. But I do not regret eating pizza with my best friend's children in the days following their dad's death, I do not regret taking that same friend out for dinner and a drink, I do not regret missing the gym and eating vending machine crap or fast food when I was in clinics and hospitals with my kids (cellulitis, influenza, broken bones, stitches, asthma, gastrointestinal troubles--mom stuff), I do not regret taking my kids to ihop for their birthdays while guessing whether macros for my egg white omelet and toast were under or over, I don't regret missing workouts to have time alone with my children to nurse broken hearts... It has been an extraordinarily challenging time and it is a blessing to have finally given myself permission to give myself a break. 

Don't think that I don't have my share of glum "I feel fat days!"  The truth is that I've had those off and on throughout my life since puberty-regardless of how big or small, lean or softer... In my opinion, most women have these from time to time.  The difference is that those moments do not dictate my peace or my sense of self-worth anymore. 

Whatever we do, we need to keep perspective!  My metabolism seems to be thanking me for this.  I'm heavier than I wish I was but have maintained and even lost weight eating twice what I was able to eat after my first competition season, there is fullness in my muscles that shocks me, and I'm recovering from intense workouts with great ease.  I have stayed injury free for a very long time and have greater knee and back stability than I did as a teenager even though I'm lifting very heavy weight!  

Now, life is getting calmer and thoughts of competing again have resurfaced. Someone recently told me that I don't have what it takes to bring a winning physique to a national stage because of my curviness and that even trying would be selfish for a mother of "so many kids"to do.  Well, guess what....my kids and husband got fired up about that because they've always loved being a part of this process.  It's going to happen...soon!!

My goal is to bring my best-not only to the stage but also to the entire prep process.  I have seriously contemplated competition dates only to dismiss them soon thereafter.  So, I'm giving myself until the end if this semester (because algebra is kicking my but) to settle on a date and prepare for it. I'm not binging, but I'm also giving myself more edible liberties. The picture here is me 25lbs ago, two days before stepping on stage for the first time ever. The next photo shoot/stage will see me at least as lean but with fuller delts...and more confidence!

Join me in this journey! But before you do, buckle up because it's going to be a wild (and at times bumpy) ride!

What do you measure your self-worth by?

Like so many women, I daily fight the battle of the scale. There are moments when I can allow the slightest scale weight fluctuation to really mess with my head! Silly, I know...  There was a time when I'd have been too proud to admit to struggling with that. So why am I sharing this now? Well, it's because so many assume that competitors or other fitness professionals have an elitist attitude about their overall fitness levels or that they have overcome the body image issues so many women struggle with. That's understandable when we are only telling others about when the scale is down, when our training goals are reached, or when our diet is perfectly balanced.  But that can give others a false idea of who we really are, what really makes us tick, or where our hearts truly are.

I'm taking a big step today and putting my scale away. I just started taking creatine again and added more sodium in my diet (actually hard for me to take enough in because I forget to add more to my foods). After running out of creatine in December, I'd just not repurchased it til recently and then started to forget to take it. Additionally, becoming lax on drinking enough water was no help either. It all messed with my mindset when my weight fluctuated more than expected. I'm still staying on point with macros, but not worrying about the scale for a few weeks, until the next prep starts. Tape measuring weekly instead should be good enough to assess my progress and make any adjustments in my training program.

I certainly don't have it all together when it comes to believing in myself, but I've come a very long way. There was a time when I would not wear shorts in the gym out of fear that others may see the unwanted dimples in my thighs and negatively judge me for it. There was a time when I would eat desserts or burgers in hiding out of fear of what others would think of me if I didn't eat what others expected a trainer or competitor to eat.  Those days are over!  Praise God for that!  It took a while to see myself as good enough. It's a sad thing when women (or men for that matter) find themselves consumed with worry over how others will view them based on their external shell.  It may be considered shallow by others, but often it can be based on truly deep hurts or self-confidence issues that must be overcome.  It's less from being shallow and more from feeling that they truly have self-worth.

Learning to love myself for the woman I was designed to be took a long time. Honestly, it is a God thing and is an ongoing process. It dawned on me that loving my loved ones with my whole being is part of what makes me lovable. These people love me and they need me to love me too! My desire to see others encouraged and motivated in life's difficult journey makes me lovable. My dedication and work ethic, passed down to me from my grandparents and parents, was nurtured through my faith in God, and are part of what makes me, me!  My will to overcome trials and to use those experiences to to live life to its fullest are worthwhile. Once I embraced those realities, I realized that allowing the numbers on a scale or perceived physical imperfections to dictate my peace is just losing the opportunity to feel joy and to live life with true purpose.

So, in a few weeks, I'm going to start contest prep again.  There are Fall shows that I want to work hard for.  In order to stay on-point and have the right dietary and training recommendations, weekly weighing will be important.  When you see my updates which are likely going to seem purely physique focused, keep in mind that my chosen sport requires me to believe in myself, to give no less than 100% effort to my training, and to use the science of diet and exercise to maximize my efforts.  Reaching the physique goals require me to believe in myself and doing that healthfully is of great importance to me!  

My hope is that whoever reads this will spend some time thinking about the beautiful intangibles which make them who they are.  Seek out ways to make a difference in the lives of those you come in contact with, wherever that may be by being the best you! 

Learn from Setbacks. Don't quit because of them!

It's so easy to share the successes in hitting macros or progress pics which show muscles growing and fat stores diminishing...but what about if you're not there... Post comp in Nov, I returned to roller coaster dieting for a bit and really struggled even more than normal to get everything reigned in. Knowing that waiting til life got easier to start focusing again would mean I'd never get around to achieving my dreams. I started reverse dieting on my own and reached 285g carbs...I quit thinking I'd wait til I lost weight again to do that. So, at the same weight I was at 9months preggers with my fifth child, I determined only I could ruin my pro-card hopes and only I could make my elite physique goals become reality. I managed to reach the higher macros without any weight gain. After that, I decided to do a mini cut and dropped six pounds in two weeks still on more carbs than I ever was able to lose fat before. Here's where I realized my own weaknesses. I'm calling it a Eureka moment. This past week, I self-talked myself into more edible liberty than I should--right after seeing that my metabolism was on fire. A little ground was lost, but only on the scale. Discovering when I'm my weakest was important. I figured out that late nights and being alone really mess with my head. Being accustomed to being pulled in many directions between training clients and running all my kids around, sitting alone doing algebra homework late at night triggered something-the munchies. Having five kids to occupy my time, running around all the time...quiet/stillness feels incredibly strange, actually makes me feel a little anxious. There's no satisfaction in losing ground after doing well; so I'm refocused. Lessons learned? Use setbacks to learn something about yourself so that you can be better prepared and remember you're worth whatever effort is required to achieve your dreams.

The Compassionate Competitor

Im posting this, hoping we all remember to be compassionate to others who may be risking their health in their quest to achieve and succeed in bodybuilding. I completely trust Layne's coaching. When I first hired Dr. Layne Norton, I had no clue how much I would learn about myself that would help me in other aspects of my life.

Layne's coaching style is one that is direct, firm, and honest while also being understanding, tender, and encouraging. Without a doubt, he would rather not take on a paying client than help them win a trophy if it means they would damage their metabolisms. That makes him a rare breed in the world of competitive bodybuilding. That being said, I'm often tempted to take drastic measures to lose weight instead of doing what I know is best. Thankfully, I fight that temptation and let good sense win. I haven't re-hired Layne yet for this off-season, but I printed every email he's ever sent me and have followed what I think he'd recommend.

I competed in November quite a bit softer/less lean than it takes to win (looking back, I wonder why I didn't do the bikini division). I'm glad I did not quit, but I knew I would not be lean enough. Inconsistencies did me in. To make matters worse, the second show I did this past competition season, I stepped on stage with the flu and stayed sick for a bit. Determined to stay on track-I told Layne I really (for the first time ever) did not even crave the celebratory post-competition binge meal. I just wanted to be healthy.

Two weeks later my ex-husband and his wife (she's become a beloved friend and she's an amazing step mom) separated. The very same day, my best friend's husband went missing and was found dead days later in the trunk of his car. Before I knew it, all of my focus was on helping my children who were falling apart, comforting/praying for my two best friends, and helping plan a funeral. I ate whatever was at my friend's home, ordered pizza since I didn't have time to cook, and grabbed food on the run. Then came Christmas... My weight skyrocketed and my desire to workout nearly disappeared. Life can throw you for a loop sometimes; that is okay. The important thing is that you don't lose focus of the things that truly matter like family and friends. I learned that in this process.

After things calmed down and normalcy returned, I reluctantly stepped on the scale. Knowing my weight had gone up, I knew it was time to address it before it got out of hand. Sure enough, I packed on the pounds. Fifteen pounds up and uncertain if I could regain my discipline, I was tempted to start doing hours of cardio and virtually drop carbs completely. I knew this was not healthy, but it was still tempting. Here I am, a personal trainer who wears spandex for work; surely my coworkers must be thinking negative things about me. And I didn't want my clients to think I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to diet and exercise... I'd list focus of what mattered; i struggled to give myself room to be human. See, that disordered thinking can plague so many people (especially competitors who have seen themselves in elite physical conditioning); it's only a problem if you give into the foolishness of dangerous extremes. On the other hand, it can help you learn to be compassionate toward others who walk in your shoes. I can't tell you how many women have encouraged me with their stories about working through body image issues, slow metabolism struggles, or worrying about what others think of them. Having come to the other side of this, I am certain that I am a better trainer/coach because of these experiences.

Now, some months have passed. My ex-husband and his wife are working on their marriage beautifully, and my kids are doing so much better. My best friend is mourning and I've learned to balance being a friend while taking care of myself too. My weight is still up a bit more, but I'm actually dropping weight with a lot more carbs than I'd have imagined. For example, I'm nearly at 300 carbs daily and dropped 2lbs this past week with only a minuscule amount of cardio. Slow and steady truly does win the race!

Now, we competitors often come across other competitors who frankly do not handle their post-competition rebounds well. Instead of remembering the difficulty of our own journey, we may be tempted to lecture or judge them. Some competitors do not rebound-ever; then they make sure the rest of us know it. We do not know the journey or circumstances of others. Just as many did not know what I was going through this past November and December, we may not know what they are going through. Let's learn to be supportive in a way which is void of condescension or judgment. You never know when one of those people may reach out to you when you are at a low or cheer you on when you are standing on stage holding your trophies.

It's okay to not be sure of yourself

If you ever catch yourself not beginning because you're not sure you can finish strong, know that you are not alone. It's okay! Really!

How many times have you looked January in the face and declared that "This is the year I will lose all that weight?" only to find that before February arrives you've already quit on yourself? You're not alone and I will be the first to admit that I often do the same thing. I've learned that giving up only makes people feel more defeated.

It's okay to want to feel accomplished about what you've achieved in the gym, it's satisfying when your willpower makes you resist bread at a restaurant, it's amazing when others are inspired to live healthier because of your influence, it's beautiful when you believe in your worth enough to invest time and energy into healthier living. You can do this!!

Set a new weekly and monthly goal regularly. I will share mine as an example. This coming week's goal will be to make two medical/dental appointments that I have been putting off or way too long. This month's goal is to not miss one workout at all.

There is nothing holding you back from living a fit life other than yourself. Sure, you may have sabotaging influences, but only YOU can deal with that. Lets face our fitness goals head-on and make it happen!

6 weeks out from the Shawn Ray Classic

It's official. Why is that so difficult? Truly putting it out there is a little scary. Sure, people who know that I've been prepping for a figure competition have cheered me on and encouraged me, but setting an exact time and place makes it seem more "real" and definitive.
The journey this time around is very different than the first time around in so many ways. For example, there were no expectations the first year. I just didn't want to look ridiculous or as if I didn't stand a shot at placing in the top five. Placing did not matter as much as stepping on stage as a worthy competitor. I didn't really expect anything else. This time, the bar I've set for myself is set much higher. Stepping on stage with an improved physique is the primary goal, but I can't deny that I'd like to place again.

Another big difference this time around is that I've dealt with more set-backs. There was the MCL injury from last summer, recurring sciatica which has finally seemed to disappear, a mother-figure/dear friend who died of brain cancer after a long, hard battle, a big career change (from self employed to employee), still plugging away at my college degree,some teenage parenting stresses, some financial set-backs.... It just all seemed to happen at once. Overwhelmed and full of doubt, I quietly struggled with believing in me again while I, once again, found myself believing in everyone else. My metabolism hasn't liked the stresses and lost sleep. On top of that, inconsistency in my workouts and diet in the off season have proven to be a metabolic nightmare for competing.

Thankfully, this journey back to the stage gave me something positive and beneficial to work toward. There have been a few times when I considered quitting. Those moments of self-doubt would creep up, sometimes even keeping me up at night. I'd ask myself why I'm doing this. A horrible voice would tell me that it's too hard and then a strong, wonderful voice would speak up from within my heart saying, "Gretchen, you've got this. Keep moving forward." Like a father telling his child to get up after falling off of a bike and ride again, I'd get back up and keep pushing toward my goals as I'd remember that this journey is worth completing.

Now, I sit here wondering something... Do my weight-loss clients feel this way? Do they embark on this journey to be stronger and healthier only to find themselves scared that it's too hard? Do setbacks keep them up at night doubting their worth? Do they believe they are worth this journey? I believe in my clients! If you're one of them and you're reading this, know that I'm on your team! Let's do this. Dominate the journey!

October 27-stage ready!!

That's my goal competition date! No excuses, no turning back, no mediocre or half-hearted efforts.

My husband is behind me, my kids are cheering me on, and my confidence is higher.

I'm not sure what I'd do without such a supportive family.

What are your goals? Do you have a plan? Who is supporting you? Get rid of your sabotaging habits and get to work. Reach out to like-minded people. Don't look back. The only one holding you back is you.

Progress better than I thought

Okay, proof is in the pudding. Before the willingness to face the truth of progress pictures, I was nervous. My coach, Dr. Layne Norton, requested progress photos and my immediate thought was, "Uh oh, I'm not sure I want to see yet...". Looking at the numbers on the scale, I was sure I'd see progress yet to be made rather than progress already made. Boy was I wrong! Much to my surprise, even with crummy posing, what I saw was a wider back, fuller glutes and quads, stronger shoulders, and a leaner than believed physique.
Numbers on a scale serve only a partial purpose. Without an opportunity to visually assess your physique, you only get part of the truth. Regardless of whether you like the picture-taking, this is a must if you want to know what that number on the scale means for you individually.
The good, the bad, the ugly.... Take those pictures. This week, next week, the following week... Then pat yourself on the back when you see the final "after" picture.
Here I will begin posting my weekly pictures and keep you posted on my personal progress. The journey back to the stage is a big one and I'm inviting you to join my in my ups and downs.

Move forward!!!

The body-fat is finally starting to drop again after over six months of feeling "stuck." Did you think you're the only one who ever feels "stuck" or like you're in an inescapable plateau? You're not alone. Among figure competitors, I believe that it's a dirty little secret that we're often too embarrassed to share. We feel overweight when we are not. We feel defeated every time our lips touch a white carbohydrate. We feel lazy when we're not doing countless weekly hours of cardio. We feel week if we're not hitting weight-lifting PR's at all times. And then it clicks...

Logical thinking takes over, focused ambition replaces defeating negative thought patterns. Some people say that the sport of figure competition is selfish and unhealthy. Well, I don't believe this has to be the case. As a matter of fact, I believe that it can be therapeutic IF we are willing to look at things logically, if we are willing to be held accountable not just physically but also spiritually and in our interpersonal relationships.

I've learned that there are many parallels and life lessons that the sport of bodybuilding--particularly figure competition-offers. As a life coach, I have learned that it is important to not just set goals, but to also be willing to state those goals to others who can hold our feet to the fire in reaching those goals. This is true in everything from achieving financial freedom to developing enduring spiritual disciplines. When I was willing to apply this truth to my pursuit of a figure competitor's physique, I called on the best coach I could think of, Dr. Layne Norton. Boy was it humbling to send those first "progress pictures". Talk about laying it all bare. He was able to better guide me with that in hand. At first, the goal was to walk on the bodybuilding stage with a figure competitor's physique. AND I DID IT!!! I did very well three times in a row. But then what?

Well, within weeks, I'd lost sight of the elite physique. A combination of sporadic binges and depressing, self-defeating thoughts began to take over as I gained at least 20 pounds in what felt like days. That's when I knew that I had to contact my coach again. That expert guidance, consistent accountability, and honest coaching were just what I needed to regain a sense of determined focus. I believe the same sort of thing happens to people in other areas of life. For example, a friend once spent two years digging out of debt. How did she reward herself? She made huge purchases, including a luxury vehicle. Eventually, she was in debt again. I'm sure if she'd had someone to keep her accountable (a life coach, a pastor, a friend...) for just a little longer, she'd have developed the disciplines and knowledge she needed to maintain that financial security and independence.

Other life lessons I took from my experience as a figure competitor are just as important. Early in the game, I realized my need for a figure coach. Tina Peratino of Center Stage Figures was absolutely amazing. She showed me how to present my curvy physique in the best way possible. I didn't realize how little confidence I had until I had to stand in a room alone with this little power house of a woman, alone in nothing more than my swimsuit and competition heals. The shaking, the tendency to not stand erect... Tina helped me through those things with the kind of experienced direction someone who'd never done a competition (and some who have) needed. In life, sometimes, we may need someone who can help us see not just our flaws, but also our strengths. Do you know what your personal strengths are? What makes you tick? Sometimes realizing our purpose involves some soul-searching to see what others see in us. I'll bet there's something about you that makes others want to be with you. What is that? Tina helped me see that about my figure, but there are others (especially my husband) who I often count on to tell me what they see in me as a person. This encourages me to ask myself how those strengths of character or personality are being used to be a blessing to others. I can see where my efforts may be misdirected and where I could be more of a benefit to myself or others in my life. Just as Tina helped me put my best foot forward on the competition stage, other loved ones help me put my best foot forward where it matters in my day-to-day living. Sometimes, this may mean saying "No" a little more often, or taking scary risks professionally.

The final lesson I learned in my experience as a figure competitor, or shall I say I realized more fully, is that there will always be someone who wants to do what you do better than you. Sometimes, these people are worthy of that and often times they aren't. Sure, we see this in the work-place and kids see this in school. But do you recognize it in every-day life? If you do, how do you respond to it? Do you take it personally? Do you embrace it? See, at my first competition, there was one competitor who beat me. Stacey Ellsbury. Boy was she amazingly beautiful! Her stage-presence was phenomenal. From her walk, to her well-sculpted shoulders, she had the whole package. If I was going to place second to anyone, she was the person to place second to. There were other competitors who were not nearly as, dare I say, lovely as Stacey. See, backstage, Stacey quietly kept to herself for the most part, but she was so sweet to all competitors at all times. For example, I'd lost my bracelet (turned out it was inside the sleeve of my sweatshirt) and she'd offered hers to me. This young woman didn't know who I was and had no reason to want to help me; after all, I was her competition. But you know what, she did want to help. It was obviously genuine. There were other competitors who would hardly even make eye contact with me, even if I said "Hello" as I passed. They were catty or cold, stand-offish at best. I could either let this intimidate me or I could stand tall and keep my eyes on my goal. You learn a lot about yourself and others in an environment like this. I learned some good things about myself that day. I learned that even when I am beyond scared and overwhelmed, I can stand tall with a smile on my face. I learned that I'm more gracious than I often give myself credit for. I learned that I can follow through with something that is difficult and overwhelming. I also learned that if I wanted to compete again, I needed to bring in a stronger and slightly more conditioned physique. When I return to the stage, I'll bring fuller shoulders and a teensy weensy leaner overall package. I'll keep my stage presence though.

These were things I needed to realize about me. My loved ones may have seen these qualities in me, but it was necessary to do something for me so that I could come to that self-realization on my own. What are you doing to see your full potential? Are you settling for mediocrity in your life? Are you selling yourself short because you're scared? Is there something that you're holding off for "when you get around to it" because you're concerned that you may fail? Whatever your answers are to these questions, I hope that you will be somehow motivated to put one proverbial foot in front of the other and move toward your full potential.

2012

This is my year...
My year to compete with extra muscularity and more leanness
My year to finish my NASM certification (another personal training certification)
My year to increase my revenue and decrease my time on the road
My year to graduate from Liberty University with my degree (want to finish before Joshua graduates from high school).
My year to find a consistent training partner who is not afraid or uncomfortable spotting me when picking up and putting down big weights.
My year to keep my client newsletter updated and sent regularly.
My year to maintain spiritual growth and accountability with close Christian friends.
I'm worth it!

It's your year too! What will you do this year? What are your personal goals? What would you like to accomplish? Put it down, tell everyone that you can what those goals are and when you plan to reach them, and do it!!! You're Worth It too!!!

When dieting during the holidays, don't be a martyr!

It's the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I'm quite excited. This means that I get the constant reminder all week to give thanks and I find I need it around this time of year. It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the day-to-day necessary tasks that too often I forget to take notice of the many blessings in my life.

We all know that most people are thinking about what they are going to eat or what gifts they're giving for Christmas. So, I do try to make an extra effort to think about the things I'm thankful for. Personally, I've been quite thankful for my renewed belief in myself as an individual. See, I've always believed in my clients and my friends, but I once struggled with believing that I could achieve physically challenging goals. I'm also thankful for the dear friends I've made who are in the fitness industry with me. Many of these people have motivated me during the slow business months, stood by me through physical illness or after injuries, cried with me when loved ones died or became ill, and others have been mentors as I've grown into the business woman I'm becoming. Of course I'm thankful for my beautiful children, my doting husband, Christ my savior, my home, my country... But having once struggled with recognizing my own individual value as a competitor and as a business woman, this new determination and sense of worth is a blessing that I'm thankful for.

Now, back to Thanksgiving... My mother-in-law already has me down for the things that I love to make. Believing that there are no evil foods, I will make some things that I will also choose to not eat. Homemade bread, brownie pizza, and maybe even a cheesecake... Why do I make some of the things that I won't be eating? Do I believe that I'm contributing to the downfall of those around me? Are these questions you're asking yourself? Well, first of all, I do want my children to experience the balance of eating healthy and not worrying every moment of their existence whether or not something they eat will make them fat. There are special occasions when I believe that it is okay to celebrate with a feast as long as they understand that those occasions should be rare and balanced with healthy, clean-eating. Secondly, I have a pretty healthy family. They eat what they want to in moderation and I'm not worried about what one feast will do to their blood pressure, cholesterol, waist size, etc. If I had reason to be concerned about the health and weight of my husband and kids, our household eating would be pretty regimented if necessary; even then, there would be a balance. And here's another important thing important to realize. My fitness goals are my own and it's my job to monitor what I eat for those goals. Strict eating that a figure competitor or a bodybuilder chooses should not be imposed on others. Sometimes it is more difficult than other times, but that's my issue to deal with for the sport I've chosen.

Many people struggle to make the edible choices which will help them achieve their desired fitness level. Very often, a client will tell me, "Gretchen, I could lose the weight if _______ wouldn't bring home the crap." Look, I do understand and personally believe it's somewhat selfish if someone knows your stumbling blocks and still sets them in front of you. That being said, you must be prepared for such sabotagers. Many do this deliberately and many are just plain aloof. Once, I had a client whose fiancee deliberately left bags of chips or cookies on the counter knowing she would stumble. He hated seeing her deprive herself of the treats she enjoyed. One morning, when I arrived at her home to train her, we systematically went through all of her cabinets and her pantry and removed the temptations down to her basement. She'd answered the door in tears, disappointed in herself for putting so much effort into her workouts just to find herself downing 1500 calories in cookies (no kidding) in just a few minutes. We'd discarded the immediate temptations (the bags of crap that was opened) and put all of his junk food stash down in the basement (his man cave). And so he learned that if he wanted that stuff, she would no longer complain or fall prey to it, he simply had to have it away from her safe zone. It took a little while for him to catch on, but he eventually did. Her attitude was the determining factor though; he needed to see that she wasn't a suffering martyr; she was willing to do what she needed to do to succeed whether he was on board or not. Here's what he told me after she'd finally lost 70lbs. "Gretchen, I was so pissed at you for throwing out my food. It was a waste! But I didn't know what I was doing to her until she started to succeed." See, in his mind, if she'd lost a couple of pounds one week, she should be able to reward herself at the dining table. He learned to "reward" her with affirming words of encouragement or even new clothes to fit her shrinking waistline.

See, what I often see happening is two things among dieters. One is that someone is just determined to sabotage their weight-loss or competition goal efforts. Someone's mother, father, wife, husband, or best friend will say something like this, "It's Thanksgiving; can't you just enjoy one meal with us?" To which I recommend responding, "Sure, I could. But I have set a goal to lose ____ lbs by Christmas and this would set me back. I understand if you don't get it, but know that I'm enjoying your company regardless of what I'm eating." In other words, someone may think that you're suffering by not eating what they're eating. They've seen you enjoy that meal every Thanksgiving (or 21st birthday, or Christmas, or some other celebration) and suddenly you are giving the "Poor me, I can't eat this stuff anymore" story. That's what I call being a diet martyr. Change your attitude if you want to change your body. The second thing is half-hearted commitment. If you're true to your clean-eating plan 80% of the time, but 20% of the time, you eat or drink your heart out, there's a VERY good chance that you are your own personal sabotaging problem. Transforming your body requires transforming your thinking about food and exercise. That means, "Just one more piece of pizza" or "Just a few drinks" may not be an option for you if meeting your goals isn't happening for you.

Now, what if your loved ones (face it, almost everyone has a sabotager lurking around the corner) won't give in the way my client's husband did? Well, you're going to have to suck it up the hard way. You'll have to determine that you are worth the effort to buckle down and do this for you. Every time you see the bag of crackers or cookies, every time your friends invite you out for a margarita, every time a piece of your kids' birthday cake is tempting you you will need to overcome it with sheer willpower! If you face the temptation with the, "Oh, I can't eat that--poor me" attitude, the likelihood is that you'll eventually fail. That's the attitude of a martyr. If you face it with the attitude of "I could eat that, but it would do nothing to help me reach my fitness goals. So, I won't", you will certainly succeed! You're worth it!

Now all that being said, I do have clients and loved ones who seriously need to watch their eating. I strongly recommend to those people to not feel badly about bringing a small stash of your own healthy eats to your family's Thanksgiving feast. For example, I'll be bringing my sweet potatoes--already measured for my needs. Although I'll have enough to offer to others who may want some as well, I don't expect everyone to have my same goals. I know that my husband is watching his eating, so I'll likely offer to make a little extra sweet potato for him as well (only if that's what he wants). This goes for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Easter, birthdays, weddings, and more. Make your goals count, enjoy your family and friends regardless of whether or not they're celebrating with food. You matter, your goals matter, your health matters!

If you feel that you cannot do this on your own, I've got you covered! You may benefit from a knowledgable professional who is willing to keep your accountable through this journey. You can do this!!

Even When I Just Don't Feel Like It

Boy was today a hot one! Even now, at 9:20PM, it's 97° outside. Tomorrow won't be any better; as a matter of fact, it's going to be worse (according to the forecast anyway). After some personal training, taking kids to doctor appointments, doing some grocery shopping, and other mommy duties, I was spent. It seems that every time I got into my car, those black leather seats sucked a little more energy out of me. The suffocating heat was just almost more than I could take.
Before all of this, I just knew what my workout plan was. I needed to get my cardio in as well as a good shoulder/chest workout. The strength training was the easy part; that's the stuff I enjoy. I must admit, had I known how hot it was going to be in the gym, I may have talked myself right out of it. By the time the workout was over, my youngest child (who'd been going with me to my in-home personal training appointments and on my errands) had been in the childcare room for about an hour. I knew I needed to get my sweet Sophie home so that she could enjoy herself. There was still the cardio that needed to be done... Perhaps I'd get a nap in first. And so I took a nap. When I woke up, I found myself finding every excuse to not head out again. I was tired, I had cleaning to do, I wanted to relax with my kids, it's hot outside, there's that reading assignment for my literature class... You name the excuse and chances are I'd come up with it. For nearly an hour, I was telling myself all of the reasons that I could get away with not going to the gym. At the same time, in the back of my mind, those extra post-competition binge pounds were saying, "Come on! You don't really want me hanging around with you all summer, do you?" And so I went. I quit procrastinating just in time to make it to the last spin class of the day. It wasn't until about fifteen minutes into the class that I was glad I'd made it. Frankly, I just didn't feel like going before that. After those first few minutes of spinning, my heart was pumping and I found myself singing along to the songs that were blaring out in that hot, little room. Some great HIIT focused moments made the class totally worthwhile. I felt strong, clear-minded, and energized.
It's crazy how that works, isn't it? Almost every week, at some point in time, at least one of my clients will either forget, oversleep, or psyche themselves out of their workout with me. It's more normal for my clients to answer with a resounding "No" when I ask if they'd gone to the gym or done some physical activity between our appointments. They're tired, overwhelmed, hot, discouraged, depressed, or just not in the mood for it. Goodness, I used to be the same way. Frankly, it's the reason most people I know aren't reaching their fitness goals. They want the prize at the end of the finish line, but they just don't feel like running the race. Believe me, I know how that feels because I've been there-done that way too many times to count.
What I'm going to say, I've said many times before. I believe that when people do this it's because they do not believe that they are worth the time, effort, and sacrifice it takes to be as healthy and fit as they would like to be. Think about it for a minute or two. Would you hesitate for a minute if your neighbor or friend asked you to help watch their child for a day or to help them move? Do you feel guilty saying "no" to the boss who requests you work a little longer or come in a little earlier even though you'll be exhausted if you do so? Are you the first to volunteer to be "Team Dad or Mom" or to organize the weekly carpool? Do you indulge the chatty friend who just doesn't know when to end a conversation on the phone or as you walk by and find that before you know it, you've been chatting it up for an hour or more? Personally, I can relate. For years, I gave and sacrificed for all of those important things while neglecting my own health and needs. It caught up with me. I found myself tired, sick, and crabby. The very people I was sacrificing for were getting the worst of me. It was not until I realized that I'm worth the effort and time it takes to be more physically fit that I learned to make this a priority. What's your story?

When Procrastination Comes to Visit

As I sit here writing, I'm struggling a bit. Not with energy, not with discouragement, not with sadness or anger... I'm struggling with distraction. I've got zillions of things going through my head. Will I get the kids' rooms cleaned before they get home from their dad's? What time should I wake up tomorrow to get to the gym so that I can shower and still get to church on time? Why haven't I started on that essay that's due tomorrow by midnight? Do the kids miss me? Oh no, we're running out of groceries; I'd better get to the store before the kids get home Wednesday! Should I walk the dog now or in an hour? Could I steal some lazy time and watch Friday Night Lights (the finale is recorded-why did that show have to end?)? What's that smell? Probably something in the gargage. I'd better take that out. How long will it take to lose the binge weight and can I safely do that without losing the strength gains I'm working toward for next competition season? I probably spent too much money at Marshalls on those new workout shirts; they are nice though. Only 9.99 for a 35.00 shirt ain't too bad---unless you buy five of them. Am I nutty for thinking about all of this instead of focusing on that paper I'm supposed to be writing?

Do you ever have moments like that? Usually, what keeps me from getting the studying or schoolwork done when I want to get it done is overwhelming fatigue, not a flood of unrelated distracting thoughts. The feeling that I have so much to do and so little time to do it seems to invite my good old friend, Procrastination, into my home. She's sitting right here on the couch with me, thanking me for such a comfy place to spend the evening. I guess there are times that it seems easier to procrastinate than settle on that one thing that absolutely must get done.

So, why am I writing about this on a blog that is related to fitness? Well, when talking to clients who feel stuck or defeated when it comes to reaching their goals, I often hear similar things come from them. They feel like they just can't focus on their diet or on their workouts because there's just too much to get done. Further discussion usually brings some clarity to the situation, regardless of how complicated it all is. Most of the time, my clients will share with me that they're bombarded with the needs of work, their children, their husbands, etc. Sometimes, they're just frozen like I am now. They will find one excuse after the other to cancel an appointment with me, to splurge on just one more piece of pizza (like I did last night), or just throw in the towel altogether. I've actually had clients who've paid me hundreds of dollars for several sessions, knowing it's non-refundable and give up after only two or three sessions because "This is just all overwhelming to me right now." That's when I say, "Come on. Let's get going. Are you worth this or not?" You just cannot stay in that frozen state and expect to achieve anything at all. If you want a degree (like I do), eventually you've got to get to work. If you want to lose some weight, you've got to get moving and make the edible changes that don't take a rocket scientist to figure out. If you don't know what to do, ask someone who does. You really are worth it! There's not a single reason that any of us should be sitting around on our bums feeling sorry for ourselves for not being where we want to be in life. We have so many resources at our disposal to help us reach the goals that we want to reach that most excuses are really not worth even voicing.

Roadblocks? Yes, they absolutely do exist. Sometimes, you can actually get around them or climb over them. Disappointingly, there are times that the roadblocks cannot be passed or climbed over. So, if you're are honestly giving it your all to reach the goals that you've set for yourself and one of those gigantic roadblocks is in your way, drop to your knees and ask God if your heart is set on the right kind of goals that He wants you to have. You may find that reaching your goals would put you in a place that would hinder you from being the person God designed you to be. If that's the case, it's not a failure; it's merely a redirection. You may be unwittingly headed to Timbuktu instead of the Promised Land.

Now, let's say you had a roadblock and you got to the other side of it. Chances are you learned something along the way of that difficult, burdensome journey. Don't keep it to yourself. Who knows? You may just be providing someone with the inspiration they need to climb over some monster-sized hurdles in their own lives. I can't tell you how many times someone has openly shared a past or present struggle that they worked through which inspired me to get through something similar. Praise God for those inspirational people in my life!

Alright, off of my soapbox I go. I'm kicking Procrastination out of the house; she's eating up my productive energy. Time to walk the dog and then get this brain wrapped around some short stories by DH. Lawrence and Shirley Jackson for my literature class essay. And then, Friday Night Lights. The rest of it all will just have to wait til tomorrow. Priorities, baby....

Goals, goals, and more goals. What are yours?

It's been several months since I last posted anything on my blog. Why? Because I'm busier than a fly being chased by a swatter.

I've got only about four courses left to take before it's time for me to start considering and planning the next phase of college which is student teaching. If you're a client reading this, don't worry, I'm still training for a while. I'm not quite ready to take the leap and quit training full-time yet. When the time comes, you'll know way in advance. Before I was working so hard toward this degree, I had so much more time for my favorite at-home hobbies: reading, writing, and napping).

I'm not sure why I didn't post my figure competition prep here. Perhaps it's because of all of the time I was spending on Bodybuilding.com, Scivation.com (forums there are great for fitness and natural bodybuilding enthusiasts), working on my degree, working with clients, or catching a breather at home. Or it could be (and I'm sure this is part of it), I was a little nervous about sharing the ups and downs of the whole figure prep experience.

Now that I've gone through the hardest stages of that and am prepare for the 2012 competition season, I'm ready to share some things I've learned about myself hoping it will motivate or encourage you.

Late last summer, I made the ultimate decision to compete in an all natural figure competition. I started cleaning up my diet during the Fall and really buckled down on the diet in November. At the time, I was planning on competing in February. It only took about three or four weeks to realize that I was carrying too much bodyfat to be stage-ready. So, I set my eyes on a competition in April.

Using the knowledge base that I already had, asking experienced friends and acquaintances for guidance and constructive criticism, and stating my goals to many people put me in the right frame of mind to do what I had to do. By February 1, I had lost almost twenty pounds of bodyfat. That being said, I was starting to second-guess myself in the gym and with my diet. Was I eating too much? Was I eating too little? Should I do high intensity cardio? Should I exercise on an empty stomach? Could I drink coffee? It was starting to monopolize my thoughts, especially at bedtime. All of that second-guessing and fretting led me to realize that I needed more outside help from someone who I could trust.

Right around that time, I started posing practice with my posing coach, Tina Peratino of Centerstage Figures. At the first session, I realized just how much I needed to focus on my presentation. Tina taught me how to stand in such a way to maximize my muscular and feminine strengths. She took pictures of me posing so that I could have them for reference. Boy were those pictures a wake-up call. I still had a lot of work to do and not much time to do it. That's when I decided to contact the man who would become my training and nutrition coach, Layne Norton.

When I first contacted Layne, I really doubted he'd ever have the time or interest in getting around to contacting me back. What a shocker it was when he responded to my email within minutes of my sending it. The really crazy thing is that I think it was nearly midnight. I was seven weeks out from my very first competition and I just figured I'd waited too long for him to be willing to work with me. After telling me that he typically doesn't work with anyone less than 12 weeks out from competition, he said that I should send him my most recent progress pictures. He ended that email saying he wouldn't make any promises regarding the whole thing. Over the next few days, we emailed back and forth...he wanted to know what my diet, training, and sleep looked like, he wanted to know what kind of supplementation I was doing, etc. After a few back-and-forth emails, he agreed to work with me.

My results with Layne were immediate. I'd been "stuck" at 127lbs for weeks. At the first week, I dropped about two pounds. Seven weeks later, I stepped on stage for the first time looking as lean and as strong as I possibly could have with the amount of time I had to do it. I was the Masters champion (women ages 35+) and I brought home three 2nd place trophies.

I competed again a few weeks later in two other competitions and walked away with trophies each time. By the third competition, I was exhausted and had come down with strep throat. The surreal excitement of my accomplishments gave way to exhaustion and a surprising depressed feeling. Then there were the post competition binges. Boy did I eat, and eat, and eat....and sleep, and throw up, and get sick, and feel depressed....

Here I am two months past my first competition season, about fifteen pounds heavier, and very proud of what I've accomplished personally and professionally.

So, what's coming up next? Well, I'm looking to compete again in 2012. In the meantime, I've got a degree I am strongly pursuing, a full-time personal training business to work, five beautiful kids who need more of me, and an amazing husband to be thankful for and enjoy. So, while I'm enjoying my family and working my job like most of you work yours, I'm also growing physically. You'll see these deltoids of mine getting fuller and rounder, I may be walking funny to your personal training sessions after having given myself a beating in the gym (don't think I don't victimize myself the way I torture my clients).

The smaller, but still important goals I've got are probably similar to most of my friends. Eliminate our debts, save more, get the home better organized, spend more time with the kids individually, etc. What's important is that my goals are not the sum of who I am. I set out to be successful because I wholeheartedly believe that the successes I desire will enrich the lives of my husband, my children, and me. Are you setting goals? Have you reached the point in your life where you want to be? You're worth whatever it takes to be as healthy as you can be and at peace with your life. Love you for the person that you were designed to be. Live every day like it matters because you matter!

where have I been?

The last time I posted here, I was near the beginning of contest preparation for my very first figure competition. Weighing in at nearly 140lbs, I was ready to lean down and see what I could do competitively.

The journey was long, tiring, exciting, enlightening, motivating, enriching, and fulfilling. More to come. What I will say before closing is that a new journey has begun. I'm aiming for a pro card now!

Just Do...Something

Do you feel discouraged because, once again, you've let that New Year Resolution to get in shape slip away from you? Do you have a pair of "dream pants" that you've been keeping in the back of the closet that you just can't squeeze into? Have you found yourself avoiding the camera at family gatherings because you feel that you look bloated in pictures? You're no alone. Very often, when people learn that I'm a personal trainer, they will say, "Gretchen, I just can't seem to lose the weight. What can I do?" When I inquire about their lifestyle choices, I typically learn that they've truly not been making the lifestyle choices necessary to reach their goals. Usually, it's their overworked, busy schedules causing this. Sometimes, it's because they find themselves slowly drifting back to the old lifestyle patterns even after a short period of fitness success.

Something that saddens me a bit is when I see people, especially women, beating themselves up emotionally opver their struggle with weight. Once we allow that depth of discouragement get the best of us, it is easy to give up. So, I'd like to encourage you to reach your fitness goals in a way that is not overwhelming. What I often recommend is that you just do SOMETHING. Start by writing down or discussing your fitness goals with someone you are close to. Once you have set these goals, telling someone will help you stay accountable. If you have health concerns, then the first "something" you should do is to see your doctor and discuss any restrictions or recommendations he/she may have for you so that you can safely get on the road to better health.

When my personal training clients seem overwhelmed by the many new changes I may recommend, I often suggest that they make two lifestyle changes a week which will improve their health and to journal what those changes are. For example, the first week may include drinking the recommended amount of water and taking a walk twice a week. The following week, that same person may get rid of processed food in the house and pack healthy food to take with them to work. For many, trying to do too much at one time becomes overwhelming. Can you imagine what kinds of positive changes you can experience in one month with just two lifestyle changes a week. Within a month, you may very well find that you have lost a dress of pants size because you're finally drinking the water your body needs, you're incorporating strength training into your weekly routine, you're taking walks in your community, your family is getting used to eating vegetables every evening, etc.

Whatever you do, don't let discouragement stop you from being the healthiest, fittest you that you can be. I'm sure that you can do it! If you're an "all or nothing" type of person, perhaps this approach won't work for you. If you find that your tendency is to, time and again, fall short of your fitness goals, perhaps this approach will work for you. Remember, if you'reding nothing to reach your goals now, doing SOMETHING is a big step.

Best wishes in all that you hope to accomplish! Remember, you are worth the effort it takes to get healthier.