Soon...but not yet

It was not long ago that my coach, Layne Norton, recommend that I hold off competing to repair my metabolism. He did not feel that it was in my best interest to start dieting the excess body fat away at that time. In only three weeks (probably less time actually), I experienced 20-lbs of weight gain after my first competition season in which I placed high in all three shows.  I'd even won an overall Masters Figure title in my first show.  

The excess weight was brought on by a combination of binging post-competition and metabolic issues I'd created by following typical advice and published work of "gurus" in the bodybuilding world before hiring Layne. It was difficult to see all of the added weight after working so hard! I wanted to get lean again! Boy was I thankful for his caring guidance. 

I waited until my body was in a better place and then another journey began which was more challenging than before.  When I competed this past November, the only thing that really kept me from my ultimate goals was my own inconsistency.  I will take that over metabolic damage any day!!  

Over the past eight months I have not done the expected get-lean/stay lean dieting.  Some life events took precedence. There was zero free time to focus on competition or measuring food for months.  So, I just had to make sure I was getting my workouts in around personal training clients and taking care of family/friends who needed me. I don't regret it for a second! It would be a lie to say that I have been consistent and doing everything as recommended Between competition seasons. But I do not regret eating pizza with my best friend's children in the days following their dad's death, I do not regret taking that same friend out for dinner and a drink, I do not regret missing the gym and eating vending machine crap or fast food when I was in clinics and hospitals with my kids (cellulitis, influenza, broken bones, stitches, asthma, gastrointestinal troubles--mom stuff), I do not regret taking my kids to ihop for their birthdays while guessing whether macros for my egg white omelet and toast were under or over, I don't regret missing workouts to have time alone with my children to nurse broken hearts... It has been an extraordinarily challenging time and it is a blessing to have finally given myself permission to give myself a break. 

Don't think that I don't have my share of glum "I feel fat days!"  The truth is that I've had those off and on throughout my life since puberty-regardless of how big or small, lean or softer... In my opinion, most women have these from time to time.  The difference is that those moments do not dictate my peace or my sense of self-worth anymore. 

Whatever we do, we need to keep perspective!  My metabolism seems to be thanking me for this.  I'm heavier than I wish I was but have maintained and even lost weight eating twice what I was able to eat after my first competition season, there is fullness in my muscles that shocks me, and I'm recovering from intense workouts with great ease.  I have stayed injury free for a very long time and have greater knee and back stability than I did as a teenager even though I'm lifting very heavy weight!  

Now, life is getting calmer and thoughts of competing again have resurfaced. Someone recently told me that I don't have what it takes to bring a winning physique to a national stage because of my curviness and that even trying would be selfish for a mother of "so many kids"to do.  Well, guess what....my kids and husband got fired up about that because they've always loved being a part of this process.  It's going to happen...soon!!

My goal is to bring my best-not only to the stage but also to the entire prep process.  I have seriously contemplated competition dates only to dismiss them soon thereafter.  So, I'm giving myself until the end if this semester (because algebra is kicking my but) to settle on a date and prepare for it. I'm not binging, but I'm also giving myself more edible liberties. The picture here is me 25lbs ago, two days before stepping on stage for the first time ever. The next photo shoot/stage will see me at least as lean but with fuller delts...and more confidence!

Join me in this journey! But before you do, buckle up because it's going to be a wild (and at times bumpy) ride!

What do you measure your self-worth by?

Like so many women, I daily fight the battle of the scale. There are moments when I can allow the slightest scale weight fluctuation to really mess with my head! Silly, I know...  There was a time when I'd have been too proud to admit to struggling with that. So why am I sharing this now? Well, it's because so many assume that competitors or other fitness professionals have an elitist attitude about their overall fitness levels or that they have overcome the body image issues so many women struggle with. That's understandable when we are only telling others about when the scale is down, when our training goals are reached, or when our diet is perfectly balanced.  But that can give others a false idea of who we really are, what really makes us tick, or where our hearts truly are.

I'm taking a big step today and putting my scale away. I just started taking creatine again and added more sodium in my diet (actually hard for me to take enough in because I forget to add more to my foods). After running out of creatine in December, I'd just not repurchased it til recently and then started to forget to take it. Additionally, becoming lax on drinking enough water was no help either. It all messed with my mindset when my weight fluctuated more than expected. I'm still staying on point with macros, but not worrying about the scale for a few weeks, until the next prep starts. Tape measuring weekly instead should be good enough to assess my progress and make any adjustments in my training program.

I certainly don't have it all together when it comes to believing in myself, but I've come a very long way. There was a time when I would not wear shorts in the gym out of fear that others may see the unwanted dimples in my thighs and negatively judge me for it. There was a time when I would eat desserts or burgers in hiding out of fear of what others would think of me if I didn't eat what others expected a trainer or competitor to eat.  Those days are over!  Praise God for that!  It took a while to see myself as good enough. It's a sad thing when women (or men for that matter) find themselves consumed with worry over how others will view them based on their external shell.  It may be considered shallow by others, but often it can be based on truly deep hurts or self-confidence issues that must be overcome.  It's less from being shallow and more from feeling that they truly have self-worth.

Learning to love myself for the woman I was designed to be took a long time. Honestly, it is a God thing and is an ongoing process. It dawned on me that loving my loved ones with my whole being is part of what makes me lovable. These people love me and they need me to love me too! My desire to see others encouraged and motivated in life's difficult journey makes me lovable. My dedication and work ethic, passed down to me from my grandparents and parents, was nurtured through my faith in God, and are part of what makes me, me!  My will to overcome trials and to use those experiences to to live life to its fullest are worthwhile. Once I embraced those realities, I realized that allowing the numbers on a scale or perceived physical imperfections to dictate my peace is just losing the opportunity to feel joy and to live life with true purpose.

So, in a few weeks, I'm going to start contest prep again.  There are Fall shows that I want to work hard for.  In order to stay on-point and have the right dietary and training recommendations, weekly weighing will be important.  When you see my updates which are likely going to seem purely physique focused, keep in mind that my chosen sport requires me to believe in myself, to give no less than 100% effort to my training, and to use the science of diet and exercise to maximize my efforts.  Reaching the physique goals require me to believe in myself and doing that healthfully is of great importance to me!  

My hope is that whoever reads this will spend some time thinking about the beautiful intangibles which make them who they are.  Seek out ways to make a difference in the lives of those you come in contact with, wherever that may be by being the best you! 

Learn from Setbacks. Don't quit because of them!

It's so easy to share the successes in hitting macros or progress pics which show muscles growing and fat stores diminishing...but what about if you're not there... Post comp in Nov, I returned to roller coaster dieting for a bit and really struggled even more than normal to get everything reigned in. Knowing that waiting til life got easier to start focusing again would mean I'd never get around to achieving my dreams. I started reverse dieting on my own and reached 285g carbs...I quit thinking I'd wait til I lost weight again to do that. So, at the same weight I was at 9months preggers with my fifth child, I determined only I could ruin my pro-card hopes and only I could make my elite physique goals become reality. I managed to reach the higher macros without any weight gain. After that, I decided to do a mini cut and dropped six pounds in two weeks still on more carbs than I ever was able to lose fat before. Here's where I realized my own weaknesses. I'm calling it a Eureka moment. This past week, I self-talked myself into more edible liberty than I should--right after seeing that my metabolism was on fire. A little ground was lost, but only on the scale. Discovering when I'm my weakest was important. I figured out that late nights and being alone really mess with my head. Being accustomed to being pulled in many directions between training clients and running all my kids around, sitting alone doing algebra homework late at night triggered something-the munchies. Having five kids to occupy my time, running around all the time...quiet/stillness feels incredibly strange, actually makes me feel a little anxious. There's no satisfaction in losing ground after doing well; so I'm refocused. Lessons learned? Use setbacks to learn something about yourself so that you can be better prepared and remember you're worth whatever effort is required to achieve your dreams.

The Compassionate Competitor

Im posting this, hoping we all remember to be compassionate to others who may be risking their health in their quest to achieve and succeed in bodybuilding. I completely trust Layne's coaching. When I first hired Dr. Layne Norton, I had no clue how much I would learn about myself that would help me in other aspects of my life.

Layne's coaching style is one that is direct, firm, and honest while also being understanding, tender, and encouraging. Without a doubt, he would rather not take on a paying client than help them win a trophy if it means they would damage their metabolisms. That makes him a rare breed in the world of competitive bodybuilding. That being said, I'm often tempted to take drastic measures to lose weight instead of doing what I know is best. Thankfully, I fight that temptation and let good sense win. I haven't re-hired Layne yet for this off-season, but I printed every email he's ever sent me and have followed what I think he'd recommend.

I competed in November quite a bit softer/less lean than it takes to win (looking back, I wonder why I didn't do the bikini division). I'm glad I did not quit, but I knew I would not be lean enough. Inconsistencies did me in. To make matters worse, the second show I did this past competition season, I stepped on stage with the flu and stayed sick for a bit. Determined to stay on track-I told Layne I really (for the first time ever) did not even crave the celebratory post-competition binge meal. I just wanted to be healthy.

Two weeks later my ex-husband and his wife (she's become a beloved friend and she's an amazing step mom) separated. The very same day, my best friend's husband went missing and was found dead days later in the trunk of his car. Before I knew it, all of my focus was on helping my children who were falling apart, comforting/praying for my two best friends, and helping plan a funeral. I ate whatever was at my friend's home, ordered pizza since I didn't have time to cook, and grabbed food on the run. Then came Christmas... My weight skyrocketed and my desire to workout nearly disappeared. Life can throw you for a loop sometimes; that is okay. The important thing is that you don't lose focus of the things that truly matter like family and friends. I learned that in this process.

After things calmed down and normalcy returned, I reluctantly stepped on the scale. Knowing my weight had gone up, I knew it was time to address it before it got out of hand. Sure enough, I packed on the pounds. Fifteen pounds up and uncertain if I could regain my discipline, I was tempted to start doing hours of cardio and virtually drop carbs completely. I knew this was not healthy, but it was still tempting. Here I am, a personal trainer who wears spandex for work; surely my coworkers must be thinking negative things about me. And I didn't want my clients to think I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to diet and exercise... I'd list focus of what mattered; i struggled to give myself room to be human. See, that disordered thinking can plague so many people (especially competitors who have seen themselves in elite physical conditioning); it's only a problem if you give into the foolishness of dangerous extremes. On the other hand, it can help you learn to be compassionate toward others who walk in your shoes. I can't tell you how many women have encouraged me with their stories about working through body image issues, slow metabolism struggles, or worrying about what others think of them. Having come to the other side of this, I am certain that I am a better trainer/coach because of these experiences.

Now, some months have passed. My ex-husband and his wife are working on their marriage beautifully, and my kids are doing so much better. My best friend is mourning and I've learned to balance being a friend while taking care of myself too. My weight is still up a bit more, but I'm actually dropping weight with a lot more carbs than I'd have imagined. For example, I'm nearly at 300 carbs daily and dropped 2lbs this past week with only a minuscule amount of cardio. Slow and steady truly does win the race!

Now, we competitors often come across other competitors who frankly do not handle their post-competition rebounds well. Instead of remembering the difficulty of our own journey, we may be tempted to lecture or judge them. Some competitors do not rebound-ever; then they make sure the rest of us know it. We do not know the journey or circumstances of others. Just as many did not know what I was going through this past November and December, we may not know what they are going through. Let's learn to be supportive in a way which is void of condescension or judgment. You never know when one of those people may reach out to you when you are at a low or cheer you on when you are standing on stage holding your trophies.

It's okay to not be sure of yourself

If you ever catch yourself not beginning because you're not sure you can finish strong, know that you are not alone. It's okay! Really!

How many times have you looked January in the face and declared that "This is the year I will lose all that weight?" only to find that before February arrives you've already quit on yourself? You're not alone and I will be the first to admit that I often do the same thing. I've learned that giving up only makes people feel more defeated.

It's okay to want to feel accomplished about what you've achieved in the gym, it's satisfying when your willpower makes you resist bread at a restaurant, it's amazing when others are inspired to live healthier because of your influence, it's beautiful when you believe in your worth enough to invest time and energy into healthier living. You can do this!!

Set a new weekly and monthly goal regularly. I will share mine as an example. This coming week's goal will be to make two medical/dental appointments that I have been putting off or way too long. This month's goal is to not miss one workout at all.

There is nothing holding you back from living a fit life other than yourself. Sure, you may have sabotaging influences, but only YOU can deal with that. Lets face our fitness goals head-on and make it happen!

6 weeks out from the Shawn Ray Classic

It's official. Why is that so difficult? Truly putting it out there is a little scary. Sure, people who know that I've been prepping for a figure competition have cheered me on and encouraged me, but setting an exact time and place makes it seem more "real" and definitive.
The journey this time around is very different than the first time around in so many ways. For example, there were no expectations the first year. I just didn't want to look ridiculous or as if I didn't stand a shot at placing in the top five. Placing did not matter as much as stepping on stage as a worthy competitor. I didn't really expect anything else. This time, the bar I've set for myself is set much higher. Stepping on stage with an improved physique is the primary goal, but I can't deny that I'd like to place again.

Another big difference this time around is that I've dealt with more set-backs. There was the MCL injury from last summer, recurring sciatica which has finally seemed to disappear, a mother-figure/dear friend who died of brain cancer after a long, hard battle, a big career change (from self employed to employee), still plugging away at my college degree,some teenage parenting stresses, some financial set-backs.... It just all seemed to happen at once. Overwhelmed and full of doubt, I quietly struggled with believing in me again while I, once again, found myself believing in everyone else. My metabolism hasn't liked the stresses and lost sleep. On top of that, inconsistency in my workouts and diet in the off season have proven to be a metabolic nightmare for competing.

Thankfully, this journey back to the stage gave me something positive and beneficial to work toward. There have been a few times when I considered quitting. Those moments of self-doubt would creep up, sometimes even keeping me up at night. I'd ask myself why I'm doing this. A horrible voice would tell me that it's too hard and then a strong, wonderful voice would speak up from within my heart saying, "Gretchen, you've got this. Keep moving forward." Like a father telling his child to get up after falling off of a bike and ride again, I'd get back up and keep pushing toward my goals as I'd remember that this journey is worth completing.

Now, I sit here wondering something... Do my weight-loss clients feel this way? Do they embark on this journey to be stronger and healthier only to find themselves scared that it's too hard? Do setbacks keep them up at night doubting their worth? Do they believe they are worth this journey? I believe in my clients! If you're one of them and you're reading this, know that I'm on your team! Let's do this. Dominate the journey!

October 27-stage ready!!

That's my goal competition date! No excuses, no turning back, no mediocre or half-hearted efforts.

My husband is behind me, my kids are cheering me on, and my confidence is higher.

I'm not sure what I'd do without such a supportive family.

What are your goals? Do you have a plan? Who is supporting you? Get rid of your sabotaging habits and get to work. Reach out to like-minded people. Don't look back. The only one holding you back is you.