It's official. Why is that so difficult? Truly putting it out there is a little scary. Sure, people who know that I've been prepping for a figure competition have cheered me on and encouraged me, but setting an exact time and place makes it seem more "real" and definitive.
The journey this time around is very different than the first time around in so many ways. For example, there were no expectations the first year. I just didn't want to look ridiculous or as if I didn't stand a shot at placing in the top five. Placing did not matter as much as stepping on stage as a worthy competitor. I didn't really expect anything else. This time, the bar I've set for myself is set much higher. Stepping on stage with an improved physique is the primary goal, but I can't deny that I'd like to place again.
Another big difference this time around is that I've dealt with more set-backs. There was the MCL injury from last summer, recurring sciatica which has finally seemed to disappear, a mother-figure/dear friend who died of brain cancer after a long, hard battle, a big career change (from self employed to employee), still plugging away at my college degree,some teenage parenting stresses, some financial set-backs.... It just all seemed to happen at once. Overwhelmed and full of doubt, I quietly struggled with believing in me again while I, once again, found myself believing in everyone else. My metabolism hasn't liked the stresses and lost sleep. On top of that, inconsistency in my workouts and diet in the off season have proven to be a metabolic nightmare for competing.
Thankfully, this journey back to the stage gave me something positive and beneficial to work toward. There have been a few times when I considered quitting. Those moments of self-doubt would creep up, sometimes even keeping me up at night. I'd ask myself why I'm doing this. A horrible voice would tell me that it's too hard and then a strong, wonderful voice would speak up from within my heart saying, "Gretchen, you've got this. Keep moving forward." Like a father telling his child to get up after falling off of a bike and ride again, I'd get back up and keep pushing toward my goals as I'd remember that this journey is worth completing.
Now, I sit here wondering something... Do my weight-loss clients feel this way? Do they embark on this journey to be stronger and healthier only to find themselves scared that it's too hard? Do setbacks keep them up at night doubting their worth? Do they believe they are worth this journey? I believe in my clients! If you're one of them and you're reading this, know that I'm on your team! Let's do this. Dominate the journey!